Wednesday, July 04, 2012

It's The USA's 236th Birthday...Who's Jealous Of Whom?

Renee had a little too much Canadian Club or was on an intense sugar high when she wrote that Canada Day post extolling the virtues of her home and native land.

Excuse me while I lick the BBQ sauce off my fingers in preparation for denouncing you properly.  And by the way, can't stand beer, no matter who brews it. 

The United States of America is 236 years old today.  It doesn't have to be jealous of any nation, much less our youngling 145 year old next door neighbor we share that long border with.  I wouldn't even start bragging about the War of 1812 since our former colonial overlords Britain did most of the fighting and paying for it.  

May I point out your hometown of Toronto (then known as York) was captured on April 27, 1812 by US troops and the Upper Canada parliament building and library located there were subsequently burned. 

The Niagara region was an invasion route in that war and Fort George and Niagara-on-the-Lake (then known as Newark) got captured and burned as  well.   By 1813 the US had control of Lake Erie and was threatening to cut off Lake Ontario and the St Lawrence River, so I hardly call that an azz kicking.  The War of 1812 is regarded by many historians as a draw, but I can understand why you Canadians have a soft spot for it..

If you're going to selectively attempt to take credit for the British burning of Washington DC in 1814 then you get to take credit for the loss future president Andrew Jackson handed the Brits at the Battle of New Orleans. 

Canadian bacon is still ham, Vermont and New Hampshire produce great maple syrup as well, and I like my fries with bacon bits, cheese and occasionally chili.  But barbecue is still the all-American food besides the hamburger we're famous for.

As I pointed out in last year's post, there's no comparison between the Canada goose and the eagle.  Our national symbol will not only majestically poop on you but kick your behind if you have the misfortune of getting in the way of its razor sharp talons when it's diving on you..

You can stop guzzling that Canadian red hateraid from three liter sized bottles.  Can't help it that many of your singers (Tamia, Deborah Cox, Bobby and the Vancouvers, Vanity, Drake) take their musical talents south of the border    .

And about that comment about our national anthem:

And yes, noticed that you were quiet about 'your game' in which you can't even hold the men's or women's International Ice Hockey Federation tournament titles in it.   May I remind you that the 2012 men's IIHF world champs are the Russians, and our USA women felt sorry for y'all this year after holding the IIHF women's title for three straight years.  We'll have fun taking it back from y'all when y'all host the 2013 tournament in Ottawa.   Oh yeah, you can bet your loonies the Russians and us are coming for those Olympic medals in 2014.

Speaking of something else you're quiet about to the point you're trying to trade the Sweater Vest for a pint of beer,. there's no comparison between our national leaders. 

President Barack H. Obama, his lovely wife Michelle our First lady, and the First Daughters are not only smart and talented people, but look so good representing the USA at international events.

We're proud to have him sitting in the Oval Office fighting for us and I hope we get to enjoy him and the First Family living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for another four years. 

Now as for those trades.  Y'all can keep Alberta.   We have enough problems with our own conservafools that we need to rein in now.  Besides, I gave you Canadians a birthday present by pointing out to our conservaidiots y'all didn't want them desecrating your country. 

You can thank me later with Timmy's when I make it to your side of the border.

On that note back to me chowing down on my BBQ while I wait for the fireworks show to commence later this evening at Eleanor Tinsley Park.  .

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